Tag: Love (Page 2 of 8)

How Love Prepares Your Kids to Leave

February 29, 2016 / / 0 Comments
Kids Leaving Home

used from www.theguardian.com

Three months before I graduated high school, I left my home. I was just 18. My departure was difficult. However, even with some tension and hurt between us, I left assuming my parents loved me. But I did not leave feeling loved.

I believe there are several reasons that I did not feel their love. We were struggling to integrate a blended family. We were a young Christian family just beginning to learn about love. During this time, there was little peace as my parents worked through these challenges. We were all learning to express intimate emotions and affection. Based on our relationship today, I am quite certain they loved me. In hindsight, I also understand why I left not feeling their love.

When Our Kids Leave

My wife and I recently changed some of our parenting techniques for the benefit of the two kids we still have in our home. I have always assumed that successful parenting resulted in your child graduating high school with a plan for the next four to six years; a good measure of self-confidence, self-esteem; and a desire to follow Jesus. My goal has been to help my boys enter manhood well, and help my daughter grow graciously into womanhood. Today, my wife and I agree that successful parenting will now look like this:

“When our children leave our home, they will leave feeling assured they were, and are, loved.”

I want my children to walk out the door with the confidence that we love them, no matter their mistakes, and beyond their successes. I want our children to feel the extent of our love so deeply, that they are able to identify genuine love, and know that it originates from God.

But the Greatest is Love

When a child feels loved, they will have assurance in so many other things. They will know that their parents believe in them. They will know that they can always come home. Feeling loved will build confidence and self-worth. When a child feels loved by their parents, especially their father, it makes it easier to believe that God loves them.

When a child feels loved, they will have assurance in so many other things.
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Feeling this love will drive a child toward loving others. It will encourage them to extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Feeling loved will build Christ-like character, and a heart to serve others that reflects His goodness.

This doesn’t mean that your house is a smaller version of Disneyland. It includes discipline and correction (Hebrews 12:6), as well as intentional teaching. Ensuring that your child feels loved begins with you extending the love that you feel, specifically from God. It involves time spent with them, both of quality and in quantity. It requires physical touch and moments of intimacy. If you’re not a “touchy feely” person and you have kids, learn to be now. They need it.

Ensuring that your child feels loved begins with you extending the love that you feel, specifically from God.
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You Are Not Alone

For those of you who are single parents, or raising children that are not your own, the privilege of loving these children is now yours to enjoy. Even when circumstances are not God’s first choice, children still require this same measure of steadfast love and commitment. Children loved in any environment that encourages, hopes, and believes in them, have access to the same positive outcomes as those raised in the presence of their mom and dad. What you offer, single-handedly, by choice, is precious and enough with the sustaining love of the Savior.

And if you are one who did not experience this love as a child, you are still able to make love available to your children. This is where God’s good grace comes in. We can lean on His promise, through the Apostle Peter, where “love covers a multitude of sins.”

For me, one of the most encouraging and challenging scriptures about parenting is Ephesians 6:4 (and I love the way the Amplified Translations says it):

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with loving-kindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

May all of us entrusted with children, bring them up tenderly, with loving-kindness, so they will rest assured of our love for them. May we glorify God in our dedication to these children, and may our love point them to the one True Love.

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American Christianity and Syrian Refugees

November 20, 2015 / / 0 Comments

The attacks in Paris last week have brought the topic of Syrian refugees back to the forefront. My FB and Twitter feeds are clogged with views and opinions from both sides about how we should handle these people with no home to go back to. I’m not surprised at some of the responses. I knew many people would brand the majority of the refugees as “threats to our national security.”

What I am surprised at is the disparity I see between the way that many Christians have responded as opposed how the more “liberally” minded American has. I’m not talking about what the Republican candidates are pitching as their potential policy; they’re just going to say the opposite of whatever the Democrat candidates say. And, I really can’t take a lot of what Trump says seriously any way; maybe it’s the hair.

What I’m talking about is that fact that most of the people I know (and those I see throughout various media outlets), that would be branded “liberal,” are in favor of helping and welcoming them, while I see so many Christians talking more about our need to protect ourselves from those refugees that may potentially be ISIS members.

American Christianity demands the government legislate civil morality; Christianity trusts in the love of Christ to transform hearts.
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And there in lies the problem. So many Americans have confused being American with following Christ. American Christianity holds up the 2nd Amendment and the American flag; Christianity holds up Christ. American Christianity is content with going to church on Sunday; Christianity is compelled to go to the needy. American Christianity trusts in the government to protect us; Christianity depends on God for strength in weakness. American Christianity demands the government legislate civil morality; Christianity trusts in the love of Christ to transform hearts.

We’re more concerned with “keeping Christ in Christmas” than we are in revealing Christ in us.
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We sit in our secure neighborhoods, in our safe homes and watch in horrified outrage while ISIS beheads Christians on a beach. We take to social media and call for their destruction and talk about the need to pray for our persecuted brothers and sisters. Then, we get outraged and scream persecution because of a red cup or because someone says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” We’re more concerned with “keeping Christ in Christmas” than we are in revealing Christ in us.

The Christianity of the Bible looks a lot different than the Christianity I see on social media.
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We’ve let fear grip us and because of that we speak of refusing to allow those in deep need, refuge. We support Trump when he says, “they’re going back.” We threaten them with our ability to enact our 2nd amendment rights. And we make them all enemies of the state. Maybe it’s just me, but it all just feels wrong. The Christianity of the Bible looks a lot different than the Christianity I see on social media.

To be honest I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where Jesus talks about the importance of our safety. What I do see is Jesus, who knew the hearts of those who would plot against Him (better than they did), going to the cross for them. I see Him allowing every single one of His Apostles (sans John) to be murdered for the sake of the Gospel. I see Paul acknowledging that everywhere he was called to minister the Holy Spirit warned him that in every city imprisonment and afflictions awaited him; he still went. I see Stephen, being stoned to death, keeping his eyes on Jesus while asking God not to hold his murders’ sin against them. I see Jesus telling us that the world will hate us on account of Him and that they hated Him first. And I see Him promising that in this world we will have trials and tribulation, but promised that He has overcome the world. I don’t see “have concern for your safety.”

There doesn’t seem to be a caveat to the command to love your neighbor as yourself. Or to Jesus telling us to that what ever we did for the least we did for Him. I don’t see an exception to Jesus compassion or a penchant for just serving the “good” Jews. In fact, the one person that Jesus notes as having faith unlike any He’s ever seen and heals a servant for is a Roman officer; the Jews’ enemy, His enemy. The Christianity of the Bible looks a lot different than the Christianity I see on Facebook.

The truth is, there is no American Christianity. It doesn’t exist. We don’t get to add anything to what Jesus said His followers would look like. Maybe we call it Americanity, but it isn’t Christianity. Christianity “loves their enemy and prays for those that persecute them.” Christianity “does justice, loves kindness, and walks humbly with God.”

I’m not suggesting that God doesn’t care for our wellbeing, I know God cares for us, but people are trying to divorce that from God’s deeper love for the world and all humanity. God cares for our safety, but not more than He desires all to be saved. His concern for us is a result of His love for us. God loves the Syrian refugees and our only response, as Christians, should be to extend love, justice, and compassion to them. 

You can click HERE is you’re interested in groups that are helping.

Jordan Refugee is another amazing organization doing some great work to aid and support Syrians in Jordan.

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Two Truths About Not Being “In Love”

September 7, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Love

I would venture to guess that one of the most commonly used reasons for ending marriages in our culture is “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you anymore.” It’s the ready-made answer for ending the marriage that no longer meets our needs and desires. I confess that I am 100% guilty of saying this in the past.

On the surface it seems like a logical reason. Why would you continue to pursue a relationship when you’re no longer in love with your spouse? I’ve had a number of friends tell me that they are no longer “in love” with their wives. I was able to talk with most of them and I’m glad to say a few of them dug in, did the work and are still together.

Before I move on, let me clarify two things. First, there is nothing wrong with being “in love.” It’s a wonderful affair. It’s an amazing convergence of feeling like you might die and like you could live forever. I loved falling in love with my wife. Where the “in love” feeling becomes a negative thing is when we use it as an excuse to dismantle a union which we have promised to honor. Second, I’m in no way saying that if you are in an abusive or dangerous relationship, or one where your spouse is actively sinning against you, that you have to stay. If that’s the case, God loves you too much to watch you be continually hurt. You need to make decisions that are focused on your (and any children involved) safety and well-being. If that’s your current situation, find a Christian community that will help and support you, speak with a counselor, or law enforcement.

It is out of these conversations with my friends, and my own experience and study, I have discovered two profound truths about the statement: “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you anymore.”   Without mincing words:

Truth #1

The person may not feel the same “in love” feeling anymore, but they also do not love their spouse.

Being “in love” is a feeling, although it’s probably more of a collection of feelings, but nonetheless still a feeling. The feeling of “in love” is meant to draw and connect us to another person with the purpose of making a commitment to love only them. Because “in love” is a feeling, it can shift and is no more sustainable than the feeling of excitement. “In love” is akin to striking a match; it flickers with the breeze and is easily blown out. Its sole purpose is to light the flame of mature love that isn’t as easily influenced by the whims of other elements. Mature love has weathered trials and is hardened like steel by the flames of difficulty and success. Mature love exists regardless of, and in the face of, waxing and waning feelings. Mature love is a love that decides to stay because it’s rooted in something deeper than feelings. Being “in love” with someone and loving someone are completely different.

Because 'in love' is a feeling, it can shift and is no more sustainable than the feeling of excitement.
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Because being “in love” is a feeling, when you say that you love your spouse, but you’re not “in love” anymore, you’re telling a half truth. The true part is that you no longer feel “in love” because that feeling is simply unsustainable. What isn’t true is that you love your spouse. If you loved them, how you feel would be less important than doing the work to mature the relationship. I don’t mean to make it sound easy; it surely isn’t. Marriage is probably (for most people anyway) the one thing you will have to work at harder than anything else. Ever.

If you love someone, then you keep the promise and put in the work. If your marriage is based on feeling “in love,” then you misunderstand what love is and how it works.

Truth #2

This statement is solely based on, and grounded in, selfishness.

When you make love all about your feelings and you’re willing to end your marriage when it doesn’t feel the way you want, then you’ve eliminated the other person from the equation. That’s selfishness. You’re selfish. Genuine love is always about the other person. John 3:16 shows us that God’s love for us moved Him to give to us. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only son…” so the WE could be saved. He, God, GAVE for US. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)  Love gives – it does not give up.

I’m not saying that you can’t want to feel “in love.” We are made to give and receive love. We are creatures of love. I hope and pray that we all get to feel loved, but feelings aren’t useful for determining how we love others. Genuine love is always about the other person, regardless of feeling. That’s mature love.

Mature love exists regardless of, and in the face of, waxing and waning feelings.
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I’ll close with this quote from C.S. Lewis in his book Mere Christianity…

“Ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

What does love mean to you?

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