Tag: God (Page 2 of 10)

A father’s anger and The Father’s grace.

angry-1431096

If I had to guess, I’d say that as a dad (primarily to my two older sons), I’ve messed up more than I’ve gotten it right. I have tried hard to be a good dad. But for all my effort, all I was doing was trying to modify my children’s behavior rather than nurturing their soul. This was not intentional. It’s how I grew up. I wasn’t equipped for any other type of fathering. Things are quite different now that I am actually committed to following Jesus in a real way; not in the “I go to church every Sunday” way. However, this doesn’t mean everything is perfect.

One of the things I’ve struggled with for most of my life, and definitely as a father, is anger. And not common anger, but a hurtful, rage-type of anger. The type of anger that frightens people. Most of the time it has remained dormant, deep inside. I believed part of being a “good man and father” meant controlling and restraining that anger. Unfortunately, life will eventually reveal the true character of even the most controlled and disciplined person. There are many reasons I carried this anger. While I won’t go into why in this post, it was the result of hurt and unhealthy, emotional crap. Over the past 6 years, God has healed nearly all of it and I’m far less angry. But, again, that doesn’t mean everything is perfect. Occasionally I still screw up as I did with my 18 year old son a couple weeks ago.

Over this last year of school he procrastinated making plans and two months into the summer he still didn’t know what he wanted to do. I’m sure it’s no different a situation than many parents of 18 year-old, young men go through, but nonetheless it was still frustrating.

I’m not sure how other parents would handle that situation. This is new ground for me. I did offer advice and direction. Until about two weeks ago. That’s when the proverbial nuke detonated and he was ground zero. To say I flipped out on him would be an understatement. What I did was go on a 10 minute tirade of steering-wheel, fist banging, accompanied by yelling and cursing. I raged. I reached a point of such severe frustration, that instead of walking away and taking time to regroup and calm down, I unloaded on him. At the end of my tirade he was visibly upset, hurt and frustrated. I walked away. I went to my room and tried to go to sleep. Fail. On a lot of levels, fail.

As we seek to follow Jesus, the Holy Spirit reminds us, as promised, of everything that Jesus said. It’s part of our growth. One reason to establish a consistent time of prayer and Bible reading is to allow for this growth. God speaks to us through His Word. It is in the moments where our behavior is far from Christlike, that God uses the word He’s already spoken to draw us back to Christlikeness. Simply put, in those moments that we least reflect Him, He’s going to speak words from the Bible that we’ve intentionally chosen to hide in our heart. He won’t give us a word that will be easy to ignore, or one we will doubt as being from Him. Instead, He’s going to use Scripture, so that there’s no doubt it is Him Who is speaking. It’s the same reason that when faced with temptation in the desert Jesus told the devil, “It is written…”

As I laid in my bed trying to calm down, all that kept running through my head was, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Immediately I knew God was calling me to display Christ to my son. I continued to lay there, not knowing what to say to son. Then I felt the Holy Spirit remind me, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” And “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

I went to my son and asked for his forgiveness. He extended it. We were able to have a calmer discussion and we are good. Here’s what I want to share with you:

When I offered my son anger, my Father offered me grace. When I was deaf to my son’s hurt and frustration, my father heard mine. When I refused to extend the fruit of the Spirit to my son, God cultivated and tended to the seeds that Christ had planted in my heart, leading me to extend the same to my son.

We fail…

Because we’re human
Because we’re still being redeemed
Because we’re not yet perfect

But, no matter how we fail, God offers grace. Every time.

You are not a failure, you are human. You will screw up; as a friend, as a leader, as a follower, as a husband and as a dad. I promise. However, God’s grace is bigger.

One of the best things you can do for your children is maintain a consistent prayer and Bible-reading time and listen to the promptings of God. Actions such as seeking the forgiveness of your child is God leading you to father them well.

Grace always trumps anger. Always.

Thank God for the prostitute and adulterer.

Rahab

I know that historically Christianity has been portrayed as an exclusive religion. That some how if you were Christian you were part of an elite group and better than everyone else. Christianity would run through cycles of using violence in an effort to see people converted. If that didn’t work, we resorted to heavy doses of guilt. I’d almost rather take the stretching rack than have someone tell me all the ways I’m not a worthy or valuable as a person. At least the physical pain of the torture rack eventually ends. None of that is what Jesus intended when He commissioned His disciples to make more disciples. We’ve so convoluted the process of coming to and following Jesus and inviting others to do the same, that it actually rejects people. And not just a few, but a lot of people.

That’s not how it was. In fact, one of Jesus’ more notable descendants was a prostitute. Rahab was a  prostitute that lived in the city of Jericho and was the sole player in making sure the Israelite spies made it out alive. They were so grateful that they promised to keep her family safe when they took the city. She was so struck with awe at the power of their God and the willingness of His people to accept her and not take advantage of her, that she joined them and started worshipping God. Eventually she married and began having children, specifically Boaz, who was the great-great grandfather of King David, who Jesus descended from. At that time, women were considered low-class citizens. Their husbands maintained every legal right over them. At times slaves had more privilege than women. So for a woman to be a prostitute was even worse. That means she would be subject to the abuse and use of who ever desired to control her. Likely she was viewed lower than a dog, which dogs we’re pretty low on the totem pole. For Jesus to be descended from a prostitute is huge news. And it’s good news.

It’s good news because even as she sat in a position of shame and sin, she asked for mercy and acceptance and received it. Not only did she receive it from God, but from His people. God’s people extended mercy and grace to a woman, that by all accounts didn’t deserve it, because that’s what God does. It’s the same with us. Think about the sin you were in before you accepted God’s invitation in. Mine was ugly, but it didn’t matter to Him. If that’s too much conjecture for you, then consider the adulterer.

While Jesus was in the middle of his ministry, a group of religious leaders brought a woman that they caught in adultery to Him and threw her at His feet. It happened in the street, in full view of the public. She was likely naked, which surely compounded the guilt and shame. Note that there was no guy drug out and flung at His feet, just the woman. The religious leaders had the law on their side. They intended to stone her to death. Flinging her at His feet, they demand that He cast judgement on her and probably expected that He participate in her execution. But He didn’t. Instead He told them that the ones among them that were without any sin, not less sin than hers, could throw their stone. No one did. Then He leaned down and looked at this broken, embarrassed, guilt laden woman and asked, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?She said “No one, Lord.” And He said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” He said He didn’t condemn her either. He didn’t condemn her. Some scholars believe that she continued to follow Him and serve in His ministry, even after He ascended to heaven, suggesting that she took serious the mercy shown her and the command to “go and sin no more.” The point here is that God invited in a prostitute and an adulterer. I’m grateful for that because that means I have a chance at mercy and grace. It means you do too. You have a chance at acceptance. You have a chance at grace.

If our Savior invited in prostitutes and adulterers, who are we to reject anyone. Our mantra has to be, “Come to Him, all who labor and are heavy laden, and He will give you rest.” It can’t be anything else. It can’t exclude those that we think are “too sinful,” because He came for everyone. He didn’t come to condemn, He came to save. And when we take on the mantel of condemnation, we throw His mantel of grace and mercy in the rubbish heap. I’m not saying we shouldn’t expect each other to live by the standard He set, we should, the bible is clear on that. If Christianity is a religion of exclusivity on any level, then it was reserved for the lowly and excluded the religious elite. Read your bible. But Jesus was clear that everyone was invited to the party; even the religious elite (consider Nicodemus).

If you’ve been hurt by Christianity, I’m sorry, that’s not what God desires. His call is to the tired. Those that life has beat down, those who have been trying too hard, those who labor in vain only to receive rejection, those who think they’re too lowly, and those who need acceptance; He’s for you. And it isn’t meant to be some intangible or fanciful thing. It’s meant to be experienced through His people. I’m sorry if His people hurt you, that wasn’t Him. If you’re a Christian and presenting a religion of exclusion, stop it, that’s not Him. Our purpose if to be agents in the reconciliation of humanity back to God, for His glory. If we’re so critical of others that it causes them to reject Him, that’s on us and we have to stop. Rejection is crushing. We all experience and deal with it differently. The Church shouldn’t be known for rejection. The church should be known for invitation. God invited the prostitute and adulterer. We should be thankful for that and follow suit.

Why relevant isn’t relevant.

RelevantFor the last 15 years or so, the main idea for how the church should approach the culture has rested on one word; Relevant. At some point, a lot of somebodies decided that The Church just wasn’t connected to what was going on in our world, so they started changing things. Little by little it became more difficult to see the line between church and culture. Relevance became so important that it became a church catch-phrase, “We want to be a church that’s relevant to where people are in life.” In fact, we started naming churches “Relevant” and in 2003, Relevant Magazine hit the scene and boasts 70,000 paper subscribers, in addition to 500,000 monthly website visitors.

I’m not overly concerned with how the need to be “relevant” has changed the way we “do” church. The model of church matters very little. If you’re following God’s call, preaching Christ and Him crucified, loving and caring for people and making disciples that make disciples, then I don’t care if you use elephants and camels in your sermon. It doesn’t matter how you do church. What does matter is the mindset that “being relevant” has created in the people who proclaim to follow Jesus. Trying to be relevant and love people the same way that Jesus taught, doesn’t work very well together. As the years have passed and the need to be relevant has invaded our church, we’ve began to allow a mentality of relevance to permeate every part of following Jesus. So much so that we’ve arrived at a place where we seek to provide a love that’s relevant to where people are. On the surface that seems like a smart way to go, but it isn’t. As a Christian principle, it’s actually pretty reckless and when applied to the area of loving God and loving others, it’s dangerous. It’s dangerous because it’s unstable. And an unstable love ultimately disappoints and causes hurt. That’s not the love that God is or gives.

The thing about being relevant is that the culture is constantly changing. Relevant as a principle is the idea that your action or response should be closely connected or appropriate to the matter at hand. If that’s true, then as “the matter at hand” changes so does the way we live out our faith and the way that we respond to those around us. That also means that the way that we love God and others changes as the culture shifts. All of a sudden it becomes easier to bow to the culture, in the name of love, rather than be a light to it. If that happens over a long enough period of time, eventually following Jesus gives way to a universalism type mentality that pretends to meet the needs of all people, but actually does nothing for their deepest needs. Jesus didn’t do that.

The things that Jesus taught weren’t even relevant to the culture that He taught them in. In fact, they were so irrelevant to the culture that they got Him arrested, beat and crucified. Jesus wasn’t relevant. He didn’t bend His response to the matter at hand. But, that doesn’t mean that He didn’t meet needs. He did. In deeper way than we can understand. Regardless of the circumstance, He responded in the same way. He healed the blind Jew just the same as He healed the Roman officer’s servant. He didn’t offer a relevant love, he offered a radical love. It was the type of love that changed people and circumstances. It was the type of love that impacted the circumstance instead of being impacted by it. It was that type of love that allowed him to reach across culture and make a difference.

If we’re looking for a principle to describe our love for people, relevant is the wrong word; the word we’re looking for should be radical. So that we’re clear, when I say Radical, I’m pointing to a love that affects the fundamental nature of the culture. It’s far-reaching and thorough in how it fills in the gaps that culture invariably creates. Not only does it fill in those gaps, it covers and changes everything it touches. The culture, and the people in it, are changed on a heart, soul and mind level. If James 1:17 is true, that with God there is no variation or shadow due to change, then God can’t be relevant to any culture and must be the change agent in every culture. We should want to be a church that is unselfishly concerned with the good of others, causing us to abandon the idea of relevance and embrace the action of a freely given, radical love, regardless of circumstance or culture.

Relevant love responds to change. Radical love causes change.

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