One of my favorite interactions between Jesus and Peter occurs on a beach after Jesus is resurrected. It’s found in John 21 and involves Jesus asking Peter if he loves Him multiple times, while they walk together. This is a great conversation to help understand what it means to love God with all your heart.
When Jesus asked Peter if he loves Him, the word He uses for love is the Greek word agape. But, Peter used a different Greek word for love in his reply. He used phileo. It may not seem like a big deal, but if you understand the nuanced meaning of each, it’s enormous.
Two Loves
Agape is a divine love, which originates from God, the idea of love as an essence that we discussed earlier. It is a selfless, generous, and sacrificial love that expresses a deep affection in the form of action. It is a love that moves a person to extend love before all the circumstances of a situation might be known. Agape is not a human love, although, as Christians, we aspire to love this way. Instead, it is the kind of love that is necessary for loving your enemy.
Phileo love, on the other hand, is most accurately defined as brotherly love, or a love defined by closeness to another. It’s the kind of love that you think of when in connection to loving a sibling or a dear friend. Most sermons I’ve heard suggest that Jesus used the word agape all three times that He asked the question and that Peter answered the first two times using the word phileo, then changed his answer the third time, using the word agape.
The suggestion here is that Peter caught on to what Jesus was asking, finally understood, and answered with the “right” word the third time. Third time’s the charm, right? It seems logical that Peter, like the rest of us, would have finally understood the answer Jesus wanted. Then, with his new understanding, he finally answers correctly. Except, that isn’t how it’s actually in the text; it occurred the other way around.
HE Meets Us
After asking twice if Peter loved him unconditionally, with this divinely generous and sacrificial agape love, and Peter responding twice that he loved Jesus with the brotherly affection of phileo love, it was Jesus who changed His words. The third time Jesus asked Peter if he loved him, He asked, “Do you phileo me?” Only then comes Peter’s most desperate answer, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love (phileo) you.” There could be any number of reasons why Jesus changed which word He used, but I think it points to the beauty of an essential truth of Christ. Jesus will, and does, fully meet us wherever we find ourselves in life. He allows us to give only what we’re capable of giving at that time, all the while inviting us to “follow Him” as He leads us toward more. There’s comfort in that. There’s rest in that.
And for Peter, after such a devastating event as denying Christ, it was merciful for Jesus to allow him to extend the love he was capable of giving. From a human standpoint, it makes sense that Peter’s denial would have affected his confidence in how much he loved Jesus.
Demand v. Desire
One of the truths of this interaction is that Jesus doesn’t demand that we love Him with agape love, especially if we’re not ready for it. However, Him asking Peter twice does show that He desires it. And if He does, is it even possible to love Him that way? If so, how do we get there? The answer is in Jesus’ response to Peter. All three times that Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him He responded to Peter with “tend my sheep” or “feed my sheep.” Jesus points Peter toward caring for and teaching those who would choose to follow Him. It seems like Jesus is communicating two things here. The first points to what our actions will look like if we profess to love Him with agape, and the second is how to grow toward loving Him with agape.
Love for Christ
Our love for our brothers and sisters in Christ is a direct reflection of the type of love we have for Christ. If I’m honest, it shows me that most often, I have phileo love for Jesus. And while that’s okay, and Jesus accepts that He still desires for me to love him with agape love. That only happens in community with other Christians. And because I desire to love Christ like that, hopefully without the actual physical cross at the end of it, I have to love His bride. What Jesus, and the rest of the Bible, makes clear is that your love and honor of God’s people is the best indication of your love and honor for God. Not only that, the Body is the one place that you can practice and learn what it means and looks like to love that way.
Loving God with all your heart has everything to do with opening it to those in the Body.
Excerpt from my book, Three Commands: Jesus’ Fulfillment of the Law Through Love. You can purchase the book HERE.
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