Author: Bruce Pagano II (Page 18 of 51)

Bruce Pagano is a blogger and podcaster living in the Treasure Valley area of Idaho. He is married and has four children, a retired US military veteran, a licensed clinical professional counselor, and has over 14 years of ministerial leadership experience. Most of his writing focuses on manhood, leadership, relationships, and faith issues. His writing can be found at www.brucepagano.com and his podcast at www.foldingchairtheology.com.

Does God Want Us to “Get Over” Our Past?

March 28, 2016 / / 0 Comments
past

used from www.careerealism.com

I recently had a conversation with my friend about how we heal from our past emotional wounds. While we talked he shared some of his that he is still healing from. Toward the end of the conversation my friend shared a quote he had heard at a conference. The speaker said something along the lines of, “I don’t care about your past. God doesn’t care about your past. So we need to stop worrying about our past and just get over it.”

You know those times when someone says something so profound that it drives down deep into your heart? This was not one of those times. Instead I immediately felt that everything about that statement was wrong. Specifically I have two issue with this statement.

Biblical Accuracy

First, I do not think it is biblical. I looked for this idea in the bible and could not find it. My friend did not explicitly say that the speaker referenced a specific verse, but my assumption is that this comment is based on taking scripture like Philippians 3:13-14 out of context. In this verse Paul talks about “forgetting what lies behind.” This passage speaks to God’s promise and our need to forget our past transgressions, or sins, for the purpose of moving toward God unrestricted by them. This passage also reminds us to not lean on His past mercies, but instead depend on His new grace for today. His mercies are new every morning.

Our Influence

Whether your audience is one guy sitting across from you at Starbucks or a stadium of 10,000 people, you have to be aware of what you are telling them. When you step into the role of counselor, or in this case leader, what you say matters. Chances are the person is coming to you because they trust what you might tell them. If what you tell them does not line up with scripture, then stop and consider the implications of your advice before you say it. In almost every situation, “Just get over it” is likely poor advice and will only serve to make the situation more difficult.

When you step into the role of counselor, or in this case leader, what you say matters.
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Sadly, I know all too well that trying to “stop worrying about and just get over” deep emotional wounds is nearly impossible, if at all. There are some wounds that are so deep that they require Jesus and an intentional approach toward seeking healing. As a trusted leader, teacher or coach you must be careful in what you say because people will take it to heart.

The Truth About your past

There are parts of our past that God forgets about, but those parts are our sins, not our hurts. And to be clear, Him forgetting is not the same as Him not caring. In fact, God cares so much about our sin that He sent His son to earth to die and atone for our sin because He could not bear to be without us. That is how much He cares. In our confession Jesus, God casts off our sin. That is the extent of God’s forgetfulness.

Just as with our sin, God cares about our hurts. God does not need or want you to “just get over” your past; He wants to heal you from it and provide purpose for it. God’s desire to heal us from our past is most evident in the fact that He sent Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Routinely Jesus makes allusions to Himself being the Great Physician, sent to heal us. When speaking of the Holy Spirit, Jesus refers to Him as a Helper and the Amplified translation includes the variations on the translation of that word: Comforter, Advocate, and Counselor. If God aimed for us to “just get over” our past then the characteristic of Healer and Comforter would not have been present in Jesus or the Holy Spirit.

Our inability to “get over” our past is not an indictment of God’s ability to heal it.
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God cares about our hurt and even more about healing them. Our inability to “get over” our past is not an indictment of God’s ability heal it. Nor is it one of His faithfulness to us, but rather it reveals our deeper need for Him. We heal as the Holy Spirit gently moves us through the difficulties of our past, revealing purpose, intent upon us coming out the other end whole and closer to God.

Healing takes a lot of time and prayer, but take heart for “surely He has borne our grief and carried our sorrows.”

 

 

Do I Have to “Have It All Together” to be a Coach?

March 21, 2016 / / 0 Comments

coachI have coached and counseled a number of people on a wide range of topics. And for all the coaches and counselors I know, and all the coaching and counseling I have done, I am sure of one thing. Not one coach, including me, has it all together.

Not one person out there has every part of their life completely perfect. It is likely there are some coaches struggling with the very thing that they are coaching people through; while still requiring some vigilance on their part, lest they begin their struggle again. For example, someone who cured a past addiction to pornography, may still struggle with lust, and would continue to actively work to temper their struggle. Or, even after years of professional success, a coach may remain challenged with organizing their business communications.

Do we have to have our life all together, in order to coach, counsel, or lead? No, we do not.

Is This Your Season?

It is important to note that you may have a current struggle that would disqualify you from leading, coaching or counseling. If you are engaged in an adulterous affair, you should not be coaching someone in the area of relationships or purity. If you do a poor job at maintaining your finances; you should not be counseling someone on theirs. Overall, if you are struggling, succumbing to habitual sin, or unable to find your way out of some broken place; this would be the season for you to seek counsel and support. It is a privilege, and honor, to teach and coach. However, it is important to remember that leading someone includes significant responsibility. This should not be casually considered. There is both reward and accountability when we enter into the course of someone’s life.

Not Out

However, struggling in any particular area does not automatically disqualify you from coaching others. If you look through the Bible, you will find many leaders dealing with personal issues. Moses struggled with his temper and obeying God. Even after everything he saw God do, Moses still struck a rock for water after God explicitly told him to speak to the rock. David, after receiving abundant blessings from God, struggled with pride (not to mention lust that led to adultery and murder.) Peter, after living with Jesus, had to be reminded how to treat Gentile Christians. None of these examples are intended to be used as excuses for continuing in sin, but rather are meant to showcase God’s ability to work through us, for the benefit of others, in spite of our struggles.

Struggling in any particular area does not automatically disqualify you from coaching others.
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Acknowledging the possibility to lead and coach, while still fully human, matters for the man or woman who is seeking wholeness and healing. Even in our imperfections, as Christians, one of the roles we are to fulfill is that of a leader. Don’t believe me? In Matthew 28:19 Jesus gave us a command that is referred to as The Great Commission. He said, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” A disciple is a follower. The way we make disciples (followers of Christ) is by leading, coaching and counseling them into the way of following Him. That is leadership.

Let’s Be Honest

The following questions are provided to help you determine if you should be coaching or counseling. You need to begin by being honest with yourself.

Do you have a current struggle that is overshadowing victory?

If your struggle makes it difficult to remember what victory looks like, maybe it is a bigger struggle that you initially thought. If you previously struggled with deep grief from an emotional hurt, found healing, but occasionally feel sad over it; you may be able to successfully counsel someone through the healing process. If talking through their issues causes an overwhelmingly hurtful response on your part, you will likely be a hindrance to their healing process. When you find yourself in this situation, you will best serve all involved by referring them to someone else, and finding some help for yourself.

Are you able to help them recognize victory in spite of your struggle?

This one is connected to the previous question. If the answer is no, you won’t recognize their victories as milestones for them. This would make you an ineffective coach at this time.

Do you currently have a coach? Why or why not?

If you do have one, spend some time thinking about what your goals are with your coach. Are you doing the work? If you do not have one, why not? If you are coaching or counseling people, you obviously know the value of it. Do you, as a coach, feel you do not need one yourself?   Why would you feel this way? Could your pride be in the way?

Do you currently have a coach? Why or why not?
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Your struggles, past and present, provide you with the opportunity to understand more than yourself. What you share through coaching and counseling, is the ability to navigate through a place that you have already been, and help them recognize victory. In the end, our ability to give to others has little to do with us, and our circumstances. Our ability to give has everything to do with our willingness to surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
~ Galatians 2:25 ~

The Pursuit of Conviction

March 14, 2016 / / 0 Comments
conviction

used from theimageofchrist.com

Understanding conviction, as an opportunity for Christians to draw closer to God, can be a challenge. It has been for me, and I am confident it has been the same for others. If you are not familiar with conviction, it is a work of the Holy Spirit. We are brought by the Holy Spirit to the realization of how God sees us; sinful and defiled, in need of saving, and with the ultimate intent for us to seek repentance.

Conviction is the vehicle by which the Holy Spirit draws us to God. Guilt is a tool of the enemy to keep us ashamed and separated from God. Guilt can play a part in conviction, but it is not the primary agent. I have written about guilt in the past. You can read more HERE.

While the purpose of conviction may be understood; the idea of conviction, and the feelings of shame that accompany it, make it difficult to pursue. However, if you desire wholeness and genuine intimacy with God; pursuing conviction must become an integral part of your walk with Jesus. Conviction is a path to wholeness.

It is important to understand the difference between allowing only moments of conviction, and choosing to pursue it. When we make a habit of accepting less than the pursuit, brokenness will occur.

You Become Blind

When you do not pursue conviction, it becomes more difficult to discover hidden sin. Drunkenness, angry outbursts, and watching pornography are obvious sins. When you treat someone harshly, or drink too much at the office party; saying a prayer to ask forgiveness and guidance, from the Holy Spirit, would be logical. These are moments of conviction. When we fail to pursue conviction, we will easily miss less obvious sins. We relinquish our ability to see those hidden sins. Behaviors that reflect selfishness, lustful thoughts, or secretly, harbored anger toward someone, are not as apparent and will be easily overlooked.

You Become Numb

When you become blind to less blatant sins, you tend to become numb to hurting others, especially when it doesn’t directly affect you. You will develop an indifference to how your behavior impacts others. It is in these deeper issues of the heart, where pursuing conviction will reveal indifference, and those less blatant sins. You may even notice that you have hurt someone. However, failing to pursue conviction leads you to ignoring your sin. Eventually you will notice your sin less and less; until numbness becomes your norm.

Pursuing conviction is about pursuing the righteousness of God, so desperately, that nothing is off limits to Him.
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Pursuing conviction is not about finding things in your life to feel bad about. The pursuit is about allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you into freedom. It is about pursuing the righteousness of God, so desperately, that nothing is off limits to Him. Your pursuit will invite Him into every part of your heart and life, for the purpose of purging and cleansing anything that may separate you from Him.

Pursuing conviction simply means pursuing the heart of God for what is good and right. It is about desiring forgiveness and allowing Him to conform you to His will. It is about obeying Jesus’ commands to love each other, love God, and love others. It is not about making you feel guilt and shame, but rather beckoning you to Him so that you become cleansed and whole. When you live a life in pursuit of conviction, what you are doing is living a life in pursuit of righteousness and the Father. And the truth of this is, any pursuit that you believe you initiated, is actually your response to God’s pursuit of you. His Holy Spirit offers us conviction. It is always God pursuing us.

Any pursuit that you believe you initiated, is actually your response to God’s pursuit of you.
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So, how do we live in the pursuit of conviction, or better yet, how do we respond to God’s pursuit of us through the impartation of conviction. One of the best ways to do this is through the study of what are called the Spiritual Disciplines. Below is the list of disciplines that Dallas Willard and Richard Foster provided. You can read more about these disciplines HERE. Willard and Foster divided them into two categories.

Letting Go (Disciplines of Abstinence)

These practices allow us to give up, or let go, of certain things for the purpose of gaining something new in God. The disciplines of abstinence are:

Solitude – Spending time alone to be with God.

Silence – Removing noisy distractions to hear from God.

Fasting – Skipping a meal(s) to find greater nourishment from God.

Frugality – Learning to live with less money and still meet your basic needs.

Chastity – Voluntarily choosing to abstain from sexual pleasures for a time (those pleasures that are deemed morally right in the bond of marriage) to find higher fulfillment in God.

Secrecy – Avoiding self-promotion, practice serving God without others knowing.

Sacrifice – Giving of our resources beyond what seems reasonable to remind us of our dependence on Christ.

Engaging (Disciplines of Activity)

These practices are about making the decision to engage in activities that grow us deeper into Christ and nurture and strengthen us in Him.

Study – Spending time reading the Scriptures and meditating on its meaning and importance to our lives.

Worship – Offering praise and adoration to God.

Prayer – Talking to and listening to God about your relationship with Him and about the concerns of others.

Fellowship – Mutual caring and ministry in the body of Christ.

Confession – Regularly confess your sins to the Lord and other trusted individuals.

Submission – Humbling yourself before God and others while seeking accountability in relationships.

As we seek to lead a life in response to conviction, we would do well to pray the same prayer David offered in Psalm 139. He asked, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!” Surely this is a dangerous prayer to our hidden sin, but as we seek to draw near to God, He is true to keep His promise to draw near to us. May each of us ultimately recognize the Love of the Father, as found within the pursuit of conviction.

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