Tag: Struggle

Do I Have to “Have It All Together” to be a Coach?

coachI have coached and counseled a number of people on a wide range of topics. And for all the coaches and counselors I know, and all the coaching and counseling I have done, I am sure of one thing. Not one coach, including me, has it all together.

Not one person out there has every part of their life completely perfect. It is likely there are some coaches struggling with the very thing that they are coaching people through; while still requiring some vigilance on their part, lest they begin their struggle again. For example, someone who cured a past addiction to pornography, may still struggle with lust, and would continue to actively work to temper their struggle. Or, even after years of professional success, a coach may remain challenged with organizing their business communications.

Do we have to have our life all together, in order to coach, counsel, or lead? No, we do not.

Is This Your Season?

It is important to note that you may have a current struggle that would disqualify you from leading, coaching or counseling. If you are engaged in an adulterous affair, you should not be coaching someone in the area of relationships or purity. If you do a poor job at maintaining your finances; you should not be counseling someone on theirs. Overall, if you are struggling, succumbing to habitual sin, or unable to find your way out of some broken place; this would be the season for you to seek counsel and support. It is a privilege, and honor, to teach and coach. However, it is important to remember that leading someone includes significant responsibility. This should not be casually considered. There is both reward and accountability when we enter into the course of someone’s life.

Not Out

However, struggling in any particular area does not automatically disqualify you from coaching others. If you look through the Bible, you will find many leaders dealing with personal issues. Moses struggled with his temper and obeying God. Even after everything he saw God do, Moses still struck a rock for water after God explicitly told him to speak to the rock. David, after receiving abundant blessings from God, struggled with pride (not to mention lust that led to adultery and murder.) Peter, after living with Jesus, had to be reminded how to treat Gentile Christians. None of these examples are intended to be used as excuses for continuing in sin, but rather are meant to showcase God’s ability to work through us, for the benefit of others, in spite of our struggles.

Acknowledging the possibility to lead and coach, while still fully human, matters for the man or woman who is seeking wholeness and healing. Even in our imperfections, as Christians, one of the roles we are to fulfill is that of a leader. Don’t believe me? In Matthew 28:19 Jesus gave us a command that is referred to as The Great Commission. He said, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” A disciple is a follower. The way we make disciples (followers of Christ) is by leading, coaching and counseling them into the way of following Him. That is leadership.

Let’s Be Honest

The following questions are provided to help you determine if you should be coaching or counseling. You need to begin by being honest with yourself.

Do you have a current struggle that is overshadowing victory?

If your struggle makes it difficult to remember what victory looks like, maybe it is a bigger struggle that you initially thought. If you previously struggled with deep grief from an emotional hurt, found healing, but occasionally feel sad over it; you may be able to successfully counsel someone through the healing process. If talking through their issues causes an overwhelmingly hurtful response on your part, you will likely be a hindrance to their healing process. When you find yourself in this situation, you will best serve all involved by referring them to someone else, and finding some help for yourself.

Are you able to help them recognize victory in spite of your struggle?

This one is connected to the previous question. If the answer is no, you won’t recognize their victories as milestones for them. This would make you an ineffective coach at this time.

Do you currently have a coach? Why or why not?

If you do have one, spend some time thinking about what your goals are with your coach. Are you doing the work? If you do not have one, why not? If you are coaching or counseling people, you obviously know the value of it. Do you, as a coach, feel you do not need one yourself?   Why would you feel this way? Could your pride be in the way?

Your struggles, past and present, provide you with the opportunity to understand more than yourself. What you share through coaching and counseling, is the ability to navigate through a place that you have already been, and help them recognize victory. In the end, our ability to give to others has little to do with us, and our circumstances. Our ability to give has everything to do with our willingness to surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
~ Galatians 2:25 ~

3 Reasons Why “Just give it to Jesus” Isn’t Helpful.

Without a doubt there are plenty of cringe worthy things that come from the mouths of well-meaning and good intentioned friends and family that if they paused, for even just a moment, would probably have never had said it.The same goes for Christians. There are plenty of Christians, me being one of them, that say or have said things to other Christians, and even worse said them to people that aren’t, that if said to them, would make them want to fight the person saying it. “Just give it to Jesus” is one of those things.

giving_hands_and_red_pushpin-640x420It isn’t that the person saying it doesn’t care what you’re going through, they do, but they may not know any other way to help. This has got to be one of the most misused and abused Christian phrases ever uttered by well-meaning Jesus followers. Unfortunately I’ve been on both ends of this misguided attempt to provide “wise council”. Somewhere along the way Christians turned King David’s song lyrics and Peter’s encouraging reminder into a witty, solve all, catch phrase that has often caused more frustration than help. Here’s three reasons why it isn’t exactly helpful.

1. It isn’t Biblical.

We’ll at least the way that we’ve interpreted it isn’t. As I already mentioned, “Just give it to Jesus” most closely comes from David in Psalm 55:22 and Peter’s reiteration of it in 1Peter 5:7. The verse tells us to cast our burdens or, when Peter says it, anxieties on God. The problem isn’t with the word “cast”, that actually means “give” or “toss”. The issue is with the words “burden” and “anxiety”. People have taken these to mean any problems or negative circumstances that we experience, but what these words refer to isn’t that simple.

Each word means something far deeper. The original Hebrew translation of ‘burden” is actually “gift”. That’s a bit unexpected. In this case “gift” can mean affliction, trials, and troubles, but it can also mean things that are agreeable and pleasing to us. While that may be confusing, the purpose of why David says this is far more important and clear. David is telling us that no matter our portion from God, we “commit [it] to His custody, and use to His glory; and particularly commit the keeping of thy soul to Him.” It’s about our ability to trust God’s faithfulness in keeping His promises to us. Likewise, the word “anxieties” doesn’t mean that you aren’t concerned for our circumstances, but is about letting circumstance divide our heart between God and anything else. In those cases, we are to give over those things to God so that our heart would not be divided and we are not drawn from Him who sustains us. It isn’t always easy or clear how to do this, so at the end I’ll talk about that a bit more.

I know what you’re thinking, if “Give it to Jesus” isn’t exactly biblical, what is? In Galatians 6, Paul tells us how we are to respond to other’s burdens, so that we would honor Jesus. He says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” The appropriate response to a brother or sister’s heavy burden is that you bear it with them. While Paul was in prison and in dire circumstance, he continued to have hope and comfort in Christ, but he still asked for people, like Timothy, to come be with him.  He still needed the comfort and encouragement of fellow believers to help bear the burden. While it may be hard to carry your burden by yourself, it becomes easier and easier with the more people who help carry it.

“Bearing other’s burdens is often far easier than bearing our own.” Tweet this!

2. It’s Dismissive.

It really is. It’s like asking someone, in passing, “Hey, how ya doing?” and they aren’t quite with the program so they offer more than the standard, “Good” or “Busy”, and actually tell you how they are doing and it isn’t all good. All of the sudden you’re left standing there, with no idea what to say, so you go to the other standard Christian “deflect and evade” counter-measure, “That’s tough, bro. I’ll pray for you.” While you might believe that they actually need someone to pray for them, you only say it as a means to indicate to the other person that you don’t know what to say and you want to leave. Once you’re out of there, whether you actually pray for the person is a different story. When you tell someone to “Just give it to Jesus” you’re telling the person that you don’t know what to say and have nothing to offer them. It communicates loud and clear “That sucks that YOU’RE dealing with that, but I’m not and I don’t plan to.” As I mentioned in number 1, if you’re a Christian, you don’t get off that easy. If you want to honor Jesus, you have to bear their burdens with them.

3:  It’s Not Tangible.

You’re not there to make the situation go away, although I would argue that real love does eliminate burden if it’s within their ability to do so, you know, Jesus’ whole “no greater love and a friend laying down his life” example. But just throwing out those four words and bouncing out isn’t very Jesus. The burden brother/sister needs comfort, wisdom, insight, encouragement, and the list goes on. You’re gifted by the God for the purpose of helping and serving others. There’s a whole list of gifts in Romans 12. Chances are you have one of them and it wasn’t given to you for your benefit. If we have the ability to lighten the burden of other’s, why are we so stingy?

It really has everything to do with our heart. If you’re seeking Jesus and allowing His Holy Spirit to transform you, your heart will change, you won’t have a choice in that. But we have to be willing to recognize that we make the decision to be like Him, because He never forces Himself on us. Sometimes, it’s a matter of not knowing how to respond to another’s difficult situation. That’s ok, but it’s not ok to never grow out of that.

Knowing how to respond isn’t always the easy. Here’s how theologian John Gill explained Galatians 6:2 and what bearing each other’s burden should look like,

“…by gently reproving them, by comforting them when over-pressed with guilt, by sympathizing with them in their sorrow, by praying to God for to manifest his pardoning grace to them, and by forgiving them themselves, so far as they are faults committed against them…”

It’s things like, praying with them in that moment, giving a word of encouragement, taking there kids for a couple of hours to let them have a moment to think, buying their groceries, making them a meal, just being with them, crying with them, hugging them… I imagine if you thought about it, you come up with better ones.

If we stopped assuming that the bible was written for other people, maybe we would be able to live it better ourselves. It wasn’t written for you to quote it to others as a means of getting out of doing life with them. Yes all scripture is “profitable for teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness and so that we may be equipped for every good work“. It exists as a means of encouraging others and as the foundation for providing wise counsel, but if we try to apply it to others’ life before we apply it to our own, it becomes lifeless and heavy.

“When we can accept that the bible is written to us first, then we can better followers of Jesus.” Tweet this!

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