Tag: Leading

Francis Chan, Facebook and Being a Shepherd

Shepherd

I know I am a little late on this, but I want to talk about Francis Chan speaking to employees at Facebook Headquarter. If you’re not familiar with whom Chan is, he was previously the Lead Pastor of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, CA and has authored numerous books (Crazy Love, Forgotten God, and Erasing Hell). When I initially heard about his talk, I really did not think much, except, “Awesome. Good for him.”

Then on July 25th, I shared an unrelated video of him that Verge Network put out. In it he talks about doing church and asks, “What if we opened the bible, read it, and tried to do what it says?” Later, a friend commented, asking if Chan was the guy that abandoned his church. The direction of the question intrigued me, so we started talking about it. My friend admitted he unfamiliar with what happened surrounding Chan leaving his church in early 2010. He said most of what he knew came from a podcast that talked about it after Chan spoke at FB.

The 7 Minute Critique

The podcast he referenced is called CrossPolitic. To be clear, I do not listen to their show and only know what I read on their website. But, I did listen to the part of the episode that they talked about Chan speaking at FB. The conversation involved the three hosts and their guest, Ben Shapiro, and took up 7 minutes of the one-hour episode. It was pretty clear none of them were fans of him speaking at FB. At the time I listened to their podcast, I had not yet listened to Chan’s talk. It seemed that the hosts' biggest issue revolved around, as they saw it, Chan "abandoning" his church in Simi Valley.  And in doing so, he was somehow violating his call to shepherd the flock God gave him. That, in their view, is sin and requires him to repent and seek the forgiveness of the congregation.

A few minutes later, one of the hosts invited some reason back into the conversation. He acknowledged it was possible that Chan had taken the steps and time necessary to leave in a “healthy” way. Then they became angry that he “aired” the Church’s “dirty laundry” to Facebook, or as they called them, the “wolf”. They moved their issue with his talk away from him failing at being a shepherd and into the realm of… I don’t actually know. Being too open about church issues with non-church people, I think.

The Facebook Talk

Before I started writing this post I figured I should probably listen to Chan’s FB talk. So I did. It was classic Francis Chan. By that I mean, he preached the Gospel and told them that they needed Jesus. And what of his bashing of The Church and airing the dirty laundry? The speech was 48 minutes long. In those 48 minutes, he spoke about it for 2 minutes and 20 seconds. During those minutes, he was actually answering a question about how he got to the point of doing “We Are Church.” It was comical that the podcast even spent 7 minutes talking about his talk. All that, and that’s not even what I want to talk about.

Church Leaders as Shepherd

I want to talk about the stuff they said having to do with him not shepherding his church well. The reason is that most of us misunderstand what it means to call someone, Pastor (or shepherd). We want the pastor that teaches on Sunday mornings to be the guy at our bedside when we’re sick. We want to think of him or her as a shepherd who lovingly tends to the needs of his flock. At the same time, we really just want that person to stay on the platform, teach what the bible says and never really getting into our lives. Then we can pick and choose what we take from the sermon.

I get frustrated that the church has (and the pastor) has allowed that to be how we define shepherd and then gets mad when he doesn’t something like leave because he really isn’t shepherding. So I want to talk about that. I think the best way to do that is just post my reply to my friend’s comments. When he posted the link to the podcast, he said that this was what he mostly knew about Chan leaving and he thought they made some good points about shepherding.

My Response

They do make some good arguments about being a shepherd. But, they kind of misapply it. Like with Paul. They talk about how he never left the churches he was a part of. But, that couldn't be farther from the truth. There are churches he planted, stayed with for three years and then never was able to go back to. He did write them, but that isn't the same as being there to shepherd them. The best part is that these guys tried to put Paul into a shepherd role and he was clearly an Apostle/Teacher. In Chan’s case, maybe he was given to the Church as the gift of shepherd.

Unfortunately, most pastors today, especially in mega-churches, don't get to be shepherds, even if they are gifted as one. Because institutional church focuses on the weekly gathering, pastors are shoved into Teacher/Preacher roles. Some who have a genuine heart to add small groups to their church model (and not from a place of, "that's just the model") are more along the lines of Apostle. But shepherd? Based on what a shepherd should be doing, most pastors are not. If Chan is gifted as a shepherd, he's likely getting to live out that gifting better, in his current setting, than he was able to with a 5,000 person congregation.

Obviously I wasn't there when Chan left, but while it was happening I tried to follow it as closely as possible. From what I understood, there were years of conversations with elders and leaders and sermons pleading with the congregation, all to little or no avail. My hope is that he wasn't the only pastor on staff that was capable of leading that church. A congregation that size has to have more than one shepherd. Whether they realized it or not, is another thing altogether. At the end of the day, if he was trying to be obedient to God's call (whether it was to leave or simply work in his gifting), we can't know that.

As for him airing the church's "dirty laundry" to the "wolf". Maybe he did. Maybe he shouldn't have told the employees of FB. I haven't heard the speech so I don't know. But, I understood it to be about leadership and that is the context that Chan lead in. One of the things that frustrates me is the way we, in the church, aren't permitted to talk about where we miss the mark and that somehow there are topics and people (celebrity pastors) who are off limits. Lest we forget that the whole first section of Revelation is Jesus publically proclaiming the shortcomings and failures of the Church, His bride. I'd rather have that conversation and fix it, in front of the world, than hear Jesus say it.

In fact, I think it can work in the favor of the church if we, the body, are honest about where we fail and how we're trying to live that out in following Christ better. It's more honest and gets rid of the "perfect Christian" persona that pushes people away from Christ, lest they be the same hypocrites. And I'm not saying that we can't be "perfect", but that we can be more honest about our progression toward perfection involving a really messy process. I don't think he was airing dirty laundry to the wolf, more than he was just sharing where they failed to live in their calling as the bride.

Anyway, I feel like maybe the guys on the podcast tried to boil down a process that took years into a 7-minute conversation and that's difficult to do.

7 Things Your Son Needs to Hear from You

I have three sons. I first became a father at 20 years old. My third son was born when I was 33. By the time I met my third son, I was a different man, and especially a different father. At 33, I had experienced so much more life, and had matured. I had much more to offer my sons. While this made me a better father, especially for my third son; one of the saddest days of my life was when I realized how much I did not know at 20. I understand I did the best I knew to do. However, there are things I wish I had known to do for and say to my older sons.

I’ve thought a lot about what those things are and came up with seven things your son(s) need to hear from you.

You are important

Sons need to know they have value, not only in the world, but especially to their father. This involves allowing them to have a voice and listening to their opinions. They need to learn to present their opinions respectfully, and in turn, their opinions should be respected. The amount of value you assign to your son, feeds directly into the self-worth and self-confidence he will have as he grows into manhood.

Don’t quit

Inevitably your son will begin something that he will “really, really” want to do; then realize it is harder than he anticipated and decide to quit. Whatever the reason for wanting to quit, your son needs to learn to keep his commitments. One of the ways this lesson takes shape in our home, is when a child begins a sport, they will stay engaged throughout the entire season. Staying committed may be difficult. Throughout the season, we continue to cheer them on. To reinforce this lesson, we remain engaged with them, to the end. No one quits.

You’re not alone

This was a tough one for me. I was torn between wanting my sons to leave home at 18 years old, with a plan for their future, and wanting them to stay home so I knew they were safe.   We have a pretty definitive line for what post-graduation will look like if he has no plan: “You have to move out.” It turns out that telling your son he has to move out is harder than I expected. Despite this standard, I want my sons to know, “I’ve got you, Buddy. You can always come home.” This is not about enabling, but ensuring that your son knows he has someone in his corner and he will never be alone.

It is okay to fail

For some reason, everyone thinks they are the best at everything. Kids are no different. Losing has not only been eliminated as an option, but has become a catalyst for either despair or anger. It is now quite common to do away with losing and offer everyone a participation trophy. However, failing is real life. We all will fail. We cannot be the best at everything, and our sons need to know that. Neither can we allow failure to be what defines them. Your son needs to know that he will fail, but that does not count him out. Instead, it is an opportunity to press harder – to look for and discover his gifts.

Boys are allowed to cry

Until I was 33, I believed the lie that men do not cry. Your son needs to know that when he experiences profound hurt an appropriate response is deep sorrow or sadness. Deep sorrow may lead to weeping. That is okay. Weeping does not make your son less of a man. In fact, it will help him relate to others in emotionally healthy ways. And just so we are clear, “Jesus wept.

I’m Sorry

As fathers, we will mess up. Most of the time, your son will know when this happens. Chances are good that you are going to say or do something that hurts him. At some point, you will go too far. You need to apologize. Say you are sorry and mean it. Ask for his forgiveness. Let him know your actions were not his fault or responsibility. We teach our sons about forgiveness by humbling ourselves and asking them for the same.

I love you

I am saving the most important for last. Remember to tell him you love him. Say it every day. Say it multiple times a day. Your son needs to hear you say the words. Do not ever think it is assumed or known. Your ability to communicate love will help your son communicate love to others. Your words will allow him to accept love from others, most importantly God. Your son will grow up knowing it isn’t gross, silly, or awkward to express love for others. Your success as a parent lies in your children knowing you love them.

As parents, as fathers, we have all failed and will fail again. I suspect you are like me. We have regrets. Some regrets may be significant. However, it’s never too late to change. If these are new habits for you, start now. We need to be reminded that these lessons are just as true for us as they are for our sons. We are important to our sons. We are not alone. At some point you will fail. It’s okay to have regret – even to the point of weeping. Ask for and give forgiveness. Never stop telling your son you love him. Don’t quit.

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